Instead, it was their feelings about their ex and about the breakup that predicted contact: People were more likely to communicate with exes they still had feelings for. They get curious or nostalgic, so they reach out via text, call, or social media. It could be your mental peace, could be the relationship with your new partner. Sure. If so, remember what you said and keep your word, because going against it will only cause problems between the two of you. Turns out, we have thought about each other since and by the time she realised, was too late as I had married the next women I went out with. The following four steps can help you work through the process. For the past year, I've been letting go of people from my past & focusing on what I want in an ideal partne. When an ex contacts you years later, how you take it, how you feel about it, and how you react to it will all pretty much depend on how well you have healed from it, says Jaseena, If the ex had exited without closure or ghosted you, youre probably going to be in a whirlwind of emotions when you receive this text. Couple relationshipsthe pains and pleasures, the anxieties and comforts, the craziness and calm. Both of you have partners, your ex no longer has romantic feelings for you, and theyre hoping you can become friends again. Now that theyre dealing with issues concerning the things only you know about, theyve got no one else to turn to. My breakup recovery method for men combines science, first-hand . 12 Things To Remember When You Run Into Your Ex, 7 Unspoken Boundaries For Being Friends With An Ex. So if youre figuring out what to do if an ex contacts you after years, the first thing you should do is figure out how well you have healed., Talking about how texts from her ex ended up wreaking havoc in her life, Rebecca, a teacher from Michigan, shares, My ex got married but still contacts me and my current partner couldnt be angrier about it. Last Updated on October 11, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester. Just the prospect of talking to an ex after years is bound to give you a lot of anxiety. First off, it's good to pause before responding. Learn how your comment data is processed. Each relationship has its own unique conclusion. I'll just say I've never seen it work out super well in real life (or, it's worked out but in a way where the ex wasn't actually needed for closure). They dont want to hear how youre doing through the grapevine. In fact, it might even be a good idea to block your ex if they make you feel uncomfortable on any level. Should you reach out to an ex years later? - The Attraction Game But other times, a conversation with your ex can also provide your ex with an opportunity to: When your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend contacts you years later, your ex finally gets over the anger, disgust, contempt, or suffocation caused by unhealthy perceptions and becomes okay with talking with you. If you're in the midst of a no contact rule, which includes time frames of 21 days, 30 days, and 45 days, you may be sitting and thinking that you should respond back to your ex. Perhaps they feel genuinely guilty about hurting you so badly and cant find their peace until you forgive them. A year and a half is a long time to not speak to an ex. By the looks of it, you dont have a lot of respect for her, so you want to keep moving on without her. Thats why he or she breaks the rules of no contact that he or she has been following religiously and gives you some of your power back. Other rekindled friendships will wane and possibly evaporate again, but they will leave the friends feeling better for having connected. They could have seen something on social media and became unable to stop thinking about you. On the other hand, if theyre calling because they want to get back together, youll need to think carefully about that. Maybe your ex has actually stopped being an emotionally abusive person. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. You gave her a chance and she blew it. QueasyAllday 1 yr. ago ouch TX_Farmer I sent an ex a sincere apology letter. But years later, they realize they could have worked their way through their problems and that breaking up was a mistake. Yesterday, he said, My ex and I are talking again. If your ex contacted you during no contact years after the breakup, you have an important decision to make. If you stay in no contact (and you should), youll recover in a matter of days (most likely). They return because their life doesnt go according to plan, so they remember their exes and use them as a backup plan. The next time was about 5 years after that. He'd already tried to reach out to me a couple times, but I wasn't ready. That is, why exactly exes pop up after a breakup in the first place? Do you want to pursue a relationship, friendship, acquaintanceship, or do you wish not to speak with your ex? No but an ex reached out to me after 15 years to commiserate because hes stuck in a bad marriage and a bald, portly man now. Someone in their life could have randomly brought you up in conversation. Basically, he sent me a very long email (that's his way of communication.) When an ex contacts you years later, you need to focus on why they became your ex in the first place. Bonobology.com is the couple-relationship destination for Indians everywhere! So they pick up the phone, dial your number, and hope youre just as lonely as them and willing to have a conversation. More often than not, they just want to catch up and be friends. Your ex might be a changed person more decency, less infidelity. Instead of overthinking about what they might want, you should focus on where you stand in this whole situation. If the roles were reversed, how would you feel about it? Pro tip: Keep your mind open and your heart closed. She apologized for everything and expressed a desire to be friends again. You broke up because an argument went too far, but they want to see whether you can pick up where you left off. Signs And Coping Tips, 15 Speed Dating Dos and Donts You Need To Know, How To Start A Conversation With A Girl: 20 Ways That Never Fail, 10 Ways To Tell Your Parents You Have A Girlfriend, Dealing With An Insecure Boyfriend? I do not want to interrupt her life now and do not want to reopen any wounds. That something may not necessarily be what you may have been hoping for, but its something only you have. Your ex could just come back to patch his or her wounds and take you for granted again. We're all human. We'd dated in high school, and our break-up was sudden and immature. She reached out a few years ago but she didn't really make any effort to apologize and kind of half-asses the friendship now. He also has a kid. What if the ex just wants to hook up and would want to do it with someone familiar rather than a stranger? I'd done something he considered cheating. Your mentality has changed, and things are not how they used to be. Perhaps they have even started dating soon after the breakup. Additionally, if youre getting back with your ex because youre lonely, that may not be a good idea either. As you say, it was likely just an attempt to ease her guilt. It can be confusing when your ex reaches out after years because you dont know what their motives are. all about love and couple relationships in their varied forms. But heres what you should consider doing when you discover that your ex: To conclude, here are 7 things to do when an ex contacts you years later. Often, urges to contact an ex may come up at the end of an unhealthy relationship and not for healthy ones. We dated about 8 years ago and he reached out around the 5 year mark. Unfortunately, when they show up like this and vent about their problems on you, then disappear again, it just creates frustration and emotional turmoil for you. They didnt expect you to be this chirpy so soon. Ex Royal Marine forced out of the military after he developed hearing Your ex may not want you back, but when it takes your ex years to reach out, you can tell that your ex has been thinking about you for so long that he or she changed some opinions of you and mustered up the courage to contact you. But this article is so important and healthy ways for dumpeees. Personally I've never reached out to an ex - but my abusive ex of 5 years reached out to me. It seems that her anxiety or whatever she felt disappeared when she started talking to you again. If the relationship was abusive, its not advised for your physical and mental safety to get back with your ex. If you had a deep friendship backing up the passionate side of your relationship, they can feel like you are still a soft place to fall, emotionally. The most common reason your ex-girlfriend will reach out to ask how you are doing is to make sure you are doing okay because she still cares about you, and loves you as a person. I had blocked her and all her family on social media so no one could know what I was up to and I could just disappear. Another reason why your ex contacts you suddenly after so long might be because they are struggling with their feelings alone. Closure takes effort and patience, and sometimes, the wounds wont heal with an explanation. However, the primary reason the no contact rule works is that you're not supposed to respond to your ex. Your current partner might be aware of what went down between you and your ex. After 4 years, my ex reached out to me asking how I have been (The end of our relationship was somewhat mutual. Absolutely nothing, your ex doesnt have an ulterior motive. Bye." Chapter closed. The first time he reached out, he called me a monster because I aborted a pregnancy I had with him when I was 15. 1. I sent an ex a sincere apology letter. I look forward to it, Al. Theyre not quite sure what, but that phone call,text message, or email is met with suspicion, and rightly so. If we cross paths I will thank her otherwise I am letting this one go. If youre looking to get them back, your imagination must be running wild. Theyre literally just checking up on you to see if youre well. It means that you must wait for your ex to verbalize or show what he or she wants. You live separate lives now and he needs to respect that. I had an ex reaching out to me after 4 years, he left me for someone else but never owned up to it after the breakup, but I knew and so did many of our friends. 1. They broke up in 2007 because Prince William thought he was too young to be in such a serious relationship and wanted to enjoy his youth. How Did You Feel When Your Ex Reached Out to You? hings in that relationship that were unkind, and I know I hurt him badly. If your ex talks nicely to you for a little while and then doesnt talk to you for weeks, that could mean that your ex got what he or she was after. Until you reach 41 weeks, your provider may not do anything unless there are problems. Why do exes reach out after months of silence? (10 reasons) Maybe it is best to let it be. We also struggled with communication but we were young so makes sense lol). I was living back in our old area for a little while and had been spending every weekend that summer at a beach club. There is simply no need to reconnect with him now that youre married and doing well. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. This is considered breadcrumbing as he was concerned about your health. I confirmed that I had actually found out I was pregnant with his child shortly after we broke up but I didnt abort it. By reaching out, they determine whether their ex hates them, likes them, loves them, respects them, or feels neutral about them. Is there space for them if youre planning on letting your ex back into your life? Friendships are funny thingssome of the relationships you think are the deepest are really reflecting more about the intensity of that time in your life, not the genuine depth of the relationship. Ive written about the signs that your ex secretly wants you back and what really happens when they do but Ive neglected a little fuzzy grey area. It could also just be curiosity which I understand to a certain extent I guess. 13 Easy Ways to Date an Ex After Years Apart - wikiHow I reached out to let him know, and asked if he'd like to meet up in person for a bit, that I wanted to see him and also apologize for how things had gone down. There is really no reasonlet sleeping dogs lie. First, it helps normalize our experience and our feelings. I dont think there is a deep hidden meaning here. Here are 7 reasons your ex might pop up months (or even years!) Although you had problems when you were together, you always worked it out and were happy. Jaseena tells us how to put a lid on overthinking. Society typically tells us that people don't change. The next thing you know, youre back in an unhealthy relationship because you were enticed by a moment of weakness. Exes reach out for a lot of reasons, and wanting a relationship again might be one of them. Besides, you have no way of knowing whether your ex will be forthcoming and candid in their response. I fessed up about the hiding incident, much to my embarrassment, lol. Tell them that your ex is trying to reach you. After several failed relationships, your ex has realized they want you back. Will things be better now? The best way to handle this is by understanding the fact that sometimes a text is just a text, says Jaseena. So, we have jotted down these 8 points for you to ponder on before you decide to reply to that text. He was enraged and hurt me by yelling at me in anger and with the things he'd said. Decide whether to reach out to an ex or maintain distance based on Maybe shed met someone else and lost interest because of him. In fairness, you were in your teens when you got together, and they were clueless about relationships. But if your ex keeps messaging you afterward and shows a lot of interest in you in one way or another, then your ex probably wants to be friends or is gathering the courage to ask you out again. It helps us feel less alone and like were among others when we do video calls, but they also can drain energy when youre also spending long days on work video conferences. Many a time, people end a relationship in haste without thinking it through. If you have a close friend or someone who knows your history with your ex, spill the beans about the text and ask for advice. We are on opposite sides of the Country now which makes it hard, but not impossible. Nothing will raise your chances of reconciliation higher than when your ex reaches out to you after he or she has had the time to think thoroughly. Do you like how your life looks without your ex? In my last relationship, I left the guy to be with my now husband. Reaching out to an ex years later can play out in one of two ways, you either connect with each other again or nothing good comes of it. Sometimes, I want to reply but my partner is visibly upset about it, so I havent so far. You might be able to tell perhaps by their tone that your ex is reaching out because they're bored, lonely, or having a tough time moving. (ETA: Not in an obsessive "someday-we'll-be-together-again" way, lol. Reaching out to an ex after months or years later. In this response, you're being vulnerable and expressive of your feelings. Video calls with loved ones are really meaningful when youre not getting to see anyone outside of your own reflection in the mirror. How have you been?, dont conclude that the nasty text they sent to you while breaking up meant nothing, and that they want to get back together. On a whim, I looked to see if he was on Facebook. I once reached out though, in a moment of guilt and stress, to an ex in attempt to apologize for everything that happened (at that time 4yrs in the past. How I Felt When An Ex From Years Ago Emailed Me to Apologize I didnt feel empowered by her reaching out, just felt sad more than anything else. Temper expectations, but reach out if its something you feel you would like to doregardless of the response. Substance use doesn't negate the fact that you put me in the hospital multiple times and caused me significant trauma, PTSD. People change over time, relationships shift, and priorities and interests shift as well. Invite them to join you for a drink to catch up, or suggest the two of you grab a coffee sometimes. I feel a lot better then I did then knowing the what ifs., I'm sorry she did not get back to you, I understand wanting to heal a friendship. Go away. So yes, exes come back years after the breakup. He has a wife and two adorable girls now and Im happy for him. When An Ex Contacts You Years Later THIS Is What It Means Before going down a path you have already been on, voice what you want from this renewed relationship be it any kind. You get to decide whether to forgive her and alleviate her guilty conscience. If exes come back when you stop caring, youve got to make sure you remember not to rush into anything and not over-indulge. He tried to hint that he was looking for an affair and then I blocked him. We suggested you to not reply too soon when exes come back after no contact. We shared that we'd both stayed hung up on each for years after the break up. Its okay if your ex doesnt contact you, Linda. 8 Things To Do When Your Ex Contacts You Years Later, 4. Since you can never really know why they contacted you, you shouldnt make assumptions about anything. But if youve received an adequate amount of closure after breaking up with them and actually have been able to move on, it could be easier to respond or even ignore the text. This goes double if you had a true friendship at the center of your bond. I took the blame at the end of the year, entirely, when she was seated behind me, I decided to reach out. Lets not lose sleep over only the unpleasant prospects. My Ex Is Drinking/Partying After A Breakup, whether you think your ex can make a good friend, how much emotional progress youve made since the breakup, and how much respect you have for your ex, how your familys doing (not to be mistaken for an indirect approach to break the ice), how you perceive your ex and feel about him or her, Your ex could also be very direct and say . Many years have passed since you were together, so naturally, youve matured and changed quite a bit. If you are looking for an explanation, ask for it. You can either become your exs friend, an acquaintance who talks to an ex once in a while, or you can ask your ex not to reach out and keep moving on. About App. If this companionship usually hurts you when they ghost you again, its better not to indulge in it. After carefully analyzing every possibility, when you finally respond, it turns out all they wanted was the phone number of your dog groomer. There may be many reasons when an ex contacts you years later or out of the blue. I'm glad we spoke, given how messily and immaturely things had ended. You DO NOT have to maintain a protocol, thinking that itll be too rude to not reply. Discussions must remain civil at all times, and women must be allowed to dominate the discussion. Dont reach out with specific expectations about an old friends responsereach out because you would like to hear their voice again and check in, and nothing more. You already have a family to take care of. You can also use the online chat. This helps us in two different ways. Three words: Manage your expectations. Just a comment on the "closure" part of Your post: no you don't. You were important to each other once. In fact, it can help minimize our own sense of anxiety. 5 Examples of How to Respond to an Ex After No Contact - Marriage Heartbreak Burnout. A little bit of backstory, when I was younger I was in the Air Force and stationed at a Air base in another state. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text "START" to 88788. On the contrary, what if your ex got dumped and just wanted to check in on you? Have you ever considered getting back with your ex? This helps us in two different ways. (in 1997 she broke off an engagement she was 22 and I was 28). Definitely not. Anywho, all of this is to say that I haven't had a good experience with an ex trying to reach out. When an ex contacts you years later, make sure you dont actively try to turn it into a guilt trip for them. Ah, ex sex. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? Maybe they are still holding grudges against you and decided this is the right time to serve the cold dish of revenge. It may not be worth getting dumped and hurt again. They will be able to compare the different aspects of their life with and without your presence in it. Advertisement. Minor inconveniences in their way or temptations to commit infidelity can drift two lovers apart in a jiffy. You can do one of two things, listen to what your ex has to say, or ignore them. Thank you for being you. In searching for the familiar, we may be drawn back to past times in our lives when our cares seemed so much lighter than they do now. Wants your help with something. It is okay if he contacts you after so many years. As if you both needed a reason to get even more heavily chemically attached to each other. He also had trust issues before we got together. If you still have feelings for this ex, and are considering the prospect of getting back together, dont just jump into it. He agreed. But ultimately, she wanted me to know that she feels bad for how mean she was to me when we broke up. If your ex just suffers and impulsively runs back to you, your ex might not reflect long enough to discover your worth. Its been several years since you broke up with your ex, and theyve assumed youve got over what happened. For all you know, theyre just asking for their hoodie back. Like I said, I never reached out to an Ex. later: 1. In that case, having a quick chat on Instagram wont be such a bad idea. With the help of consultant psychologist Jaseena Backer (MS Psychology), who is a gender and relationship management expert, lets figure out what you can do to cope with this mysterious text your ex has sent. Due to pride, they dont get back together immediately, get on with their lives, and date other people. she also said as a married woman, an affair would be devastating and destructive. A closure response. It was just a very strong intuition, and one that was "confirmed" when he'd shown up at that beach thing, even though the rational part of my mind said I couldn't really "know" that, and that it probably wasn't likely. So, depending on that, choose if you want to keep any contact with your ex. And think of yourself first. He even tried to call and make the appointment for me. Maybe theyve spent the past couple of years thinking about how perfect you were together and that they havent had a better relationship since. $1000 is a lot of money, so you should try to peacefully get it back. If you catch yourself spiraling a little, it's OK.. Your heart might start beating faster the moment you get a text from the ex but take a few minutes to think about the consequences if you end up meeting the ex again. 10 Signs Your Ex Is Testing You | How To Respond? So they come back, tail between their legs, ready to renegotiate their bond with you. Whats sad is during a 2.5 year separation period I had no idea how she felt. He tried to hint that he was looking for an affair and then I blocked him. After the X Date, the Treasury would be unable to pay about 40% of its bills, BPC said, based on an analysis of daily cash flows. Can Humans Detect Text by AI Chatbot GPT? ). However to say a rocky marriage would be an understatement. The bottom line is that if youre thinking about starting the relationship again, you must think about it carefully. Its up to you. What Does It Mean When A Guy Calls You Sweet. You slipped back into a temporary depression, but this wont last long. You may hold beliefs about anger, such as: Nice . He was understanding and glad to know I am happy. Just take your time. Throw out an invitation to hang out in a super low-key environment. The most harmless case might be that your ex-partner is just checking in on you to learn how you are doing in life. Your life will probably look a lot different now to when you were with your ex. Is Your Ex Pretending To Be Over You? 12 Signs - Mindbodygreen He had no intention of getting back with you romantically. As mentioned, they may just be contacting you to see how you are. Youve probably told your partner all about your ex, and why you broke up. I dont care why youre reaching out now. You have to be careful. Youre married with beautiful children, successful, and go on the most amazing vacations. One of the most famouscouplesto break up and get back together were Prince William and Kate, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. They know they could never have given you the life you have now. It was like a weight lifted. How to Stop Being Angry at Your Ex | Psychology Today You are about to put a lot at stake here. Even if I couch them in "we didn't know any better, but you did X"? But do it because you want to re-connect from where you are now in your life, not expecting to re-connect in a way that doesn't reflect the ways in which you may have changed and grown over time. Weirdly, whether we like it or not, exes do this all the time and its important not to automatically decide that your ex wants you back. I tried so much to get her to stay but ended up hurting myself really badly in the process as she was my first so I really wanted it to work. It may seem a bit strange to ask your ex that, but dont worry about that. How else do you handle an ex coming back when there is such a big, unresolved issue?. Most people spend their lives seeking perfection in a partner only to realize that there is no such thing as perfection. When they meet up with their ex years later, they come to the same conclusion and decide to get back together. Perhaps you could lend me an ear?. I am considering contacting my ex that I havent had contact with I over 5 years. Reach out because youd like to reconnect to see where someone is at in their life, to share a memory of past times, or offer a show of support and caring. No matter how you both ended things, try not to respond to the text immediately, even if its a lazy Saturday afternoon and your only entertainment is your cat licking her own fur. [9] It can be a shock to get a random text or phone call from your ex. You are following it religiously cutting off all contact with your ex. 2 Take a moment to work through how you feel before replying. I hadn't recognized him at all bc he was a late bloomer -- he'd still been boy-looking back when I'd known him. The phrase that "there is safety in numbers refers to our primal need to belong to a tribe of kinpeople and extended kinfictive kin is a word that is used by some groups to describe the close friends who serve in the roles of aunties, uncles, grandparents, etc., even without a blood or legal tie.