Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic f***** hatreds! (function(){var g=this,h=function(b,d){var a=b.split(". There are a lot of good comics out there, no doubt, but as far as the quality of the comics goes, I think what you have is a bunch of situational comics. George Carlin. I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. Who said youre sixty? Be happy with what you've got, because the owners of this country don't want that. George Carlin On Birthdays Quotes, Quotations & Sayings 2022 The big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' Whats the matter with you? One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. Source: Brain Droppings. I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse. If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him. At 68 I'm every age I ever was. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free. Here you'll find all collections you've created before. Brain Droppings, Hyperion. 125 Best George Carlin Quotes on Life - Parade If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him. Soon enough youll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.50.Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.51.I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. George Carlin Happy Birthday Quotes - Wise Famous Quotes Electricity is really just organized lightning. The experiment raised a [] More, by Quotezine Team April 5, 2018, 5:36 pm. I felt better right away. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrheadoes that mean that 1 enjoys it? Share with friends. George Carlin. 86 Copy quote. If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh. Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reason. There are some secrets we keep because we can't bear to let them out and some because it's better to keep them in. May your birthday bring you good luck to last for the whole year. I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. George Carlin put a new spin on what comedy was and how it could impact high-scale decisions. 172 Copy quote. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, artist, author, actor, and social critic. Everything is in the 80s. Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money.33.If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor.34.Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. People are wonderful. Happy Birthday! The older you get, the more attractive you become. George Carlinis well known for his profoundly funny and provocative quotes and one-liners. Afterward he met with 100 donors, not campaign donors, heart donors. George will always be remembered by his fans for the influence he has had on various angles of their lives. George Carlin. Every table had an argument going. Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. George Carlin. Im Alice Judy and AnQuotes is a fun hobby for me. If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. And I'd send him a card, 'Dear Mickey, Happy Birthday, Love George'. Some people see things that are and ask, Why? 65th Birthday Birthday Wishes Funny Birthday Friends Husband Advertising God Birthday Funny Catholic Humanity Driving Addiction Smile World Movies Reason Libraries Lies. There's a reason education sucks, and it's the same reason it will never ever ever be fixed. The challenge is to find it. Related Topics. What does it mean to pre-board? 32. May your smile get brighter with each passing year. Enter your account data and we will send you a link to reset your password. What George Carlin Believed About Religion Our views are no different: the man was a legend. died on June 22, 2008, George Denis Patrick Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor, and author. "Orange Is the New Black Geek Is the New Chic 60 Is the New?" Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. Napalm & Silly Putty, Hyperion. Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. BrainyQuote has been providing inspirational quotes since 2001 to our worldwide community. The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept. Showing search results for "George Carlin On Birthdays" sorted by relevance. Related Topics. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. It is time to party! If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders. Related Topics. Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. 500 matching entries found. Its just soft., Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Source: George Carlin: You Are All Diseased. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. 25 Insanely Funny George Carlin Quotes - Quotezine (e in b)&&0=b[e].k&&a.height>=b[e].j)&&(b[e]={rw:a.width,rh:a.height,ow:a.naturalWidth,oh:a.naturalHeight})}return b},t="";h("pagespeed.CriticalImages.getBeaconData",function(){return t});h("pagespeed.CriticalImages.Run",function(b,d,a,c,e,f){var k=new p(b,d,a,e,f);n=k;c&&m(function(){window.setTimeout(function(){r(k)},0)})});})();pagespeed.CriticalImages.Run('/mod_pagespeed_beacon','https://www.quotezine.com/25-insanely-funny-george-carlin-quotes/','YddRYU7ik1',true,false,'roxBCfcf6ZA'); Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. Custom and user added quotes with pictures. I love individuals. There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. We have the war on crime, the war on I think your value is priceless. Happy 60th Birthday filled with lot of happiness and joy! When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. The 50 Most Encouraging Virgil Abloh Quotes, The 51 Most Memorable Angela Davis Quotes, 25 Motivational Tim Tebow Quotes Every Sports Fan Can Relate To, 123 Meaningful Deep Quotes About Life To Supercharge Your Life, The 50 Most Uplifting Personal Growth Quotes. He would cover any issue no matter how contentious in a way that felt authentic and in line with his personal beliefs. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like. 70 Wise Quotes From George Carlin George Carlin is a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, and author. Deal with it.3.Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that.4.Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.5.A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.6.Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.7.The caterpillar does all the work, but thebutterflygets all the publicity.8.Never argue with an idiot. George Carlin (2015). My heart felt wishes and blessings are coming your way on the wonderful occasion of your birthday. Carlin was always fearless and took pride in never running from conflict. It is time to sing and dance, and it is time for birthday bumps! Im just kidding. 1."Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. 67 George Carlin Quotes about Humor, Career and Life Itself Thats the problem.19.We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.20.The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.21.Although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me., 22.When youre born into this world, youre given a ticket to the freak show. Get ready for your Birthday prank today as well. Cars are a fairly unpleasant thing to have to draw. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.40.Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.41.Religion is like a pair of shoes: Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes.42.I have as much authority as the Pope. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. "Life Is Worth Losing". Voltaire. Documentary, Comedy, 2005. You know an odd feeling? We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. Could it be that I do is the longest sentence?52.May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.53.Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.54.If you cant say something nice about a person, go ahead.55.People are wonderful one at a time. When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid, number 2 on Comedy Centrals 100 best comedians list, 25 Hilariously Honest Chelsea Handler Quotes, Beyonce Quotes: The Best Lyrics and Lines From Lemonade, Adele Quotes: The Best Lyrics and Lines from 19, 21 and 25, The Weeknd Quotes: The 25 Best Lines & Lyrics On Love. And when you suspend your individual beauty you also give up a lot of your humanity. Good. A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality - and it's not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing - it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street. Do you get on before you get on? Try spelling Evian backward. [CDATA[ May your 60th Birthday be as magnificent as you are. Birthday Quotes - BrainyQuote. The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. How do you feel with 60 years of wisdom? On your birthday, I promise to keep all your secrets, to flood you with gifts and never to miss a chance to make you smile. I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. Share with your friends. It just becomes something more entertaining. If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him. Wishing a special 60th Birthday to a special person like you! He loves you and he needs money., If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor., Soft rock music isnt rock, and it aint music. Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom. George Carlin Birthday Quotes & Sayings . Hope you keep doing the same. "He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly.". If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. Carlin and his "Seven dirty words" comedy routine were central to the 1978 U.S. Supreme Court case F.C.C. Being considered as one of the top comedians of all time, George is well known for his black humor, political views, observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many other taboo subjects. Showing search results for "George Carlin 60th Birthday Jokes" sorted by relevance. "People are wonderful one at a time. June 24, 2008. . When youre born in America, you get a front row seat., You know an odd feeling? Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. Weve added years to life, not life to years.16.Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.17.When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar., I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all. What does it mean to pre-board? The Kennedy Center posthumously awarded this year's Mark Twain Prize for American Humor to George Carlin. George Carlin quotes and jokes about humanity. Live album by George Carlin, 1988. Show me one guy or woman as funny as Rodney Dangerfield or as good as George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, or Joan Rivers. That's the problem." "Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out." " Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity ." "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. We're coming for you! The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's. Youve seen or experienced a lot of wonderful things all these years. George Carlin Quotes (Author of Brain Droppings) - Goodreads The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept. You are just a 20 year old with 40 years of experience. I'm not just 68. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. No money to be made off of the homeless. You caused the problem; you voted them in; you have no right to complain. Home. If it makes you feel better, fine. Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.". George Carlin Quotes About Age | A-Z Quotes Happy 60th Birthday! ("naturalWidth"in a&&"naturalHeight"in a))return{};for(var c=0;a=d[c];++c){var e=a.getAttribute("pagespeed_url_hash");e&&(! Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. George Carlin: The Best Inspirational Quotes by The Late Comedic Genius George Carlin Birthday Quotes & Sayings - Search Quotes Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. Happy Birthday! Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. George Carlin - The very existence of flame-throwers She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. Custom and user added quotes with pictures. - George Carlin. The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election. And he always had a knack for packaging bigideas into small digestible pieces of humor. I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. I don't give a shit! And whisper, 'The creature is regenerating itself.". Weve collected some of his greatest quotes all in one place. Maybe this time itll work., 31.If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders.32.Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. I dont wanna die. George Carlin's Most Humorous and Influential Quotes. Get inspired by these Robin Williams Quotes. TV Special, www.imdb.com. John Allison. TIME takes a look at some of the legendary comedian's most memorable lines. There's no present. If I cared about Mickey Mouse's birthday I would have memorized it years ago! His special, Seven Dirty Words became the central subject for a decision by the US Supreme Court to allow the government to censor indecent material from airing on public mediums. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve . Below are the absolute best quotes we could find from this legendary comedians career. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam. Its been 5 years since his passing, and the world still feels a little emptier without him. Maybe this time it'll work. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. George Carlin Birthday Quotes, Quotations & Sayings 2022 Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. This significance of this day is beyond just your birthday. I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. 65th Birthday Birthday Wishes Funny Birthday Friends Husband Advertising God Birthday Funny Catholic Humanity Driving Addiction Smile World Movies Reason Libraries Lies. If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next door playing pinball. His life and work have become influential in a lot of aspects, leaving a legacy of laughs, wisdom and valuable lessons. Do you get on before you get on? If you can find a solution to homelessness where the corporations and politicians can make a few million dollars each, you will see the streets of America begin to clear up pretty damn quick! cancer, the war on drugs. Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. 60+ Hilarious George Carlin Quotes and Jokes | Thought Catalog The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. Best George Carlin Quotes of All Time - LiveAbout Quotations by George Carlin, American Comedian, Born May 12, 1937. Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. Famous Birthday Quotes From the Famous - ThoughtCo Every person you look at; you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking. Happy Birthday, my dearest sister. Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. Maybe this time itll work., One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor., Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town., Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity., Its never just a game when youre winning., I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam., Honesty may be the best policy, but its important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy., People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think., I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that., A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff., If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little., Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. "The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.". I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. 1. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent. And fight songs. Happy 60th Birthday! "The planet is fine. There's no present. One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like. Show more. I will never be able to forget the support that you have given me. I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose it'll be much harder to detect. Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. 70 Wise Quotes From George Carlin | Inspirationfeed And in addition to keeping us entertained, his material inspired us to question the world around us and to believe in our opinions despite how unpopular they might be.